I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
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