How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Randomize
