Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.