I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
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Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
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And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
YAS. BRING CRAB.