he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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