even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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