last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
