these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
