I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
