Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
