Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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