I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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