Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
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