ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
