He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
