am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
