It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
