I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
How does one acquire holy water?
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
