I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
