you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
