check it out our google latitudes are spooning
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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