How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
