I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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