i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
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She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
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