Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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