I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
