you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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