Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I came so hard my ears popped.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
