I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
