it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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