The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
