so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
