I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
