what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
