I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
