It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
