Well douche your snatch and let's go!
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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