if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
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