We're facebook friends in real life
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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