I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
