I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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