Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Randomize
