11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
