Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
