my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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