my vag is so smooth its legendary
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
