This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
