she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
