none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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