You're so nebulous sometimes
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
