i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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