I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I can't put those talents on a resume
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize