well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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