I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
