someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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