I wish my penis had an off switch
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
