Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
