Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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