Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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