Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
