My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
