what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
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