is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
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I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
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asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
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