So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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