so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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