I wish my penis had an off switch
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
We left the knife in your bed.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
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