i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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