I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
