So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
