my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
