Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
