I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
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