Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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