New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
