I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
that's an acceptable place to lick
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize