I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
