I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
