I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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