i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
