I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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