my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
